It was difficult to leave Nashville. As I said good-bye to Joy and Carol I knew that we would be seeing each other again very soon. God had bonded us us together, and somehow we had embarked on a journey together. We had absolutely no idea where we were going, or what the events of the past few days meant, but we knew that God had a plan. We felt His pain. I was haunted by the screaming babies. I was consumed. I was awestruck by the vision of Marietta Davis and the garden in heaven. The thought that somehow God had opened a veil for me to see something so heavenly was overwhelming. It was like a dream... all of it, yet I knew it was all so real. As I headed down the jetway tears welled up in my eyes. I was leaving with so many unanswered questions, and I wondered what would happen when I got back to Minneapolis. Who would understand any of this? How could I even begin to tell my family and friends about what had happened to me?
I got off the plane, and I saw Harry standing there waiting for me. He put his arm around me and gave me a kiss and said, "We missed you." Then he looked at me in a curious way and said, "You look different somehow." Suddenly I burst out crying and said, "I am different! In fact, I'll never be the same! There are children dying somewhere! God allowed me to hear their cries! I don't know where they are, but I have to find them!" I sobbed. People were walking by and looking back at us. I know that Harry was caught totally off guard, and I was unable to pull myself together. "Let's go, and we can talk about it when we get home. You're exhausted," he said, as we began to walk to the baggage claim.
When we got home I told him what had happened as I walked that country road, and the unbelievable experience in the cemetery. I shared the words to the song that flew off my pen so fast that I could hardly keep up with them. I shared about the book that Carol brought over to the house and the vision of the garden full of children on page seven. I told him about the session with Tony and the band, and all that happened there.
"I have to find those babies!" I have to! "I cried.
"God didn't let you hear them without a plan to lead you to them," He said. "You will find them."
"I've been thinking about this all the way home. Maybe they're in Calcutta. Maybe I'm supposed to go there and get in touch with Mother Theresa or something. I just don't know!" I said rubbing my forehead and twisting my hair around my finger.
"You will know,"Harry said. You won't have to guess. God will make it clear."
The next morning when the kids got up I was tying to keep it together. I certainly didn't want to upset them. I was getting four of them off to school, and trying to entertain little Jenny who was a typical 21/2 year old. She was always ready for action. The phone rang, and it was my neighbor, Peggy.
"Well, how was your trip?" she inquired in that upbeat voice of hers. Renee and I will be over when you put Jenny down for a nap if that's ok. We just can't wait to hear all the details!"
I really loved these girls. I had led them to the Lord, and they were on fire, but I really didn't want to see anyone.
'Well, I don't know if...." My words were interrupted as she said, "Oh gee, I'll see you in a little bit! Brian forgot his lunch!" With that she hung up. "Now what?" I sighed.
Sure enough by about 11 o'clock they were walking through by back door. "Hi! Welcome home!" they both said, waving their hands as they rushed toward me to hug me.
"Hi girls! It's good to see you," I said, as I reached out to hug them. I poured some coffee, and we headed for the kitchen table
"Well," Peggy said. "You said before you left that you felt God wanted you to go back to Nashville. What did He show you?" she asked, as she leaned closer to me.
"We were praying for you," Renee quickly added. She paused a minute and asked, "Are you ok?"
"No, I'm not ok." I don't know if I'll ever be ok again!" I said as the tears started.
The girls sat there stunned as I shared my story. I tried to remember every detail. They were crying... I was crying, and then we joined hands and started to pray. "Oh, I feel the Holy Spirit all over me," Renee said . "Me too," Peggy said, wiping tears. "Don't you worry, Penny. God has a plan.
"Don't you remember what happened in April when you walked home from Renee's house that night?Remember what happened at the meeting for the 700 club?"
My mind went back to that April night. We had been at Renee's for a little tine of fellowship and Bible study. For several months I had been feeling like I had been in a spiritual desert. I was still very active in my church, I had led many of my neighbors to the Lord, I was teaching them as well as several teens from my neighborhood, but somehow I felt like God had planted me in a desert... something was missing in my spirit. It was like God had taken a vacation and left me behind. That night I left Renee's and was walking through our subdivision looking at the beautiful starlit sky.
"It's beautiful," I remember whispering.
"I'm taking you places you've never been. Will you go?" I heard those words as clearly as I have ever heard any voice. I knew it was God. My heart began to pound wildly. After all these months! I heard His voice!
"Yes, Lord!" You know I'll go!" I shouted into the night! I literally started dancing down the street. He was back! He was speaking to my heart! After all these months of silence, He was right there with me! I wondered if any of my neighbors had seen me through their windows dancing down the street alone. I was the "Jesus Freak" of the subdivision, but this may have been a little much for them! Within a few minutes I heard, "I'm taking you places you've never been. Will you go?" I slowed down my pace and wondered why He had asked me that twice.
"Yes, Lord, you know I will go," I said, as I stopped and looked up at the sky. I smiled, and I started walking again wondering what He was asking me to do. After a few minutes I heard," I'm taking you places you've never been. Will you go? There's a baptism ahead." I didn't answer right away. I felt a chill go through my body. I knew He wasn't talking about water. It scared me. What kind of a baptism? What was He asking me to do? After quite a pause I answered. "Yes, Lord, I'll go where ever you lead me." I quietly walked home feeling a bit troubled, yet thrilled to hear His voice.
I remember going right upstairs and running the tub to soak in a bubble bath. I just began to relax, and I heard, "Get out." I thought, "Get out? I can't even take a bubble bath?" I got out of the tub and went downstairs into my living room. I just sat there, and I heard, "Listen to my voice and pray. This is big." "Big!" I exclaimed out loud! That was almost amusing to me! "What is big to you God? What could possibly be big to you? You are the God of the universe!"
A few days later a few of us went downtown to a meeting that the 700 Club was televising all around America. They were announcing that they were starting a TV station in Israel. They were asking people to help with this, and Pat Robertson said, "I am asking God to give each of you the desire of your heart. Think about what you really desire, and ask God for that as we pray. I knew what I wanted! I wanted to go to Israel in October for The Feast Of the Tabernacles. I had been talking about it for sometime. I didn't know how Harry and I could afford to go, but I wanted to go so badly! I could hardly wait to pray. Peggy looked at me and said, "I know what you will be asking for!" "Oh yes!" I said, poking her side. The prayer started and I began to say, " I want to.... I want to.... I want to be your servant! I began to weep. "Oh, Lord, I want to be your servant! " That wasn't the prayer I intended to pray! It was as if my prayer was taken over! I wept and repeated those words over and over. I felt Harry's eyes on me. Peggy reached out and touched my shoulder. They knew something was going on between me and Jesus. "He took over my prayer," I said. Something from deep within rose up inside of me! I didn't ask to go to Israel. "I know," Peggy said "I know."
Peggy and Renee sat at my table as we reminisced about those events. "You knew then that God was doing a new thing in your life," Renee said. He said it was big. What happened in Nashville is part of that. You will find out where these children are dying. All of that was leading up to this. Oh, Penny! He has a plan, and it is big!"
A few nights later I went to bed, and I thought I heard someone call my name in the middle of the night. "Penny!" I heard. I sat up thinking it was Harry. He was sleeping soundly. I thought I must have been dreaming, and I put my head back on my pillow and dozed off. "Penny!" I heard my name again, and I sat up. I got out of bed and went to check on all the kids. I wanted to make sure they were all fine. They were sound asleep. I was sure I had heard my name, but I was so tired. I dozed off again, and a third time I heard, "Penny!" I sat up, and whispered, "Yes, Lord."
"Write." I heard His voice speak to me in the night.
I turned on my light next to my bed, and I grabbed a notebook and a pen that I kept in my nightstand.
The words were coming so fast that I couldn't keep up!
She claimed it was her woman's right. It was her body; that's what she said.
But she forgot about your little life. She thought you'd be better dead.
If only you'd have had a chance for them to hear your plea,
But there was no stay of execution, and so you cease to be.
Baby, I'll remember you! And the Father will too!
A trash can for your grave; how can that be?
There's millions just like you in the home of the free and the brave
Baby, I'll remember you!
How long before you're blood's avenged? Oh, I know child it won't be long.
You see the party is almost over now, and there comes another song.
And this country that I love so dear has a greater debt to pay
And we'll never meet the deficit for all the lives we've thrown away!
Baby, I'll remember you! And the Father will too!
A trash can for your grave; how can that be?\
There's millions just like you in the home of the free and the brave
Baby, I'll remember you!
copyright ASCAP 1982
I looked at the words that I had scribbled across the page in a matter of minutes, and I was shocked. I had no idea what they meant. "Who would put a baby in a trash can?" I asked aloud.
"There are millions! Oh, My Jesus! The home of the free and the brave! Here? America? Oh, no! That can't be!"
Suddenly a vision of a brochure flashed in front of me. It was a brochure that I had picked up at the Minnesota State Fair a few years back. I had never read it. I always picked up all kinds of literature at the fair, but most of it went into the trash.
"Find it!" I heard the command.
"I have no idea where that could be!" I exclaimed.
"Find it!" I heard again.
I got out of bed and started going through my dresser drawers. I soon had a heap of stuff all over the floor. Harry woke up and sat up and squinted at me and said, "What are you doing cleaning out the drawers at 2 AM?"
"Go back to sleep. It's ok," I said, as I frantically tossed things from the bottom drawer.
In a pile of paper I saw it! It was a colored brochure that said,"Life And Death" on the cover. I stared at it in disbelief. There was a tiny baby at the top of the page and a caption that read, "This is a 22 week little girl. She was so tiny when she was born that the nurse's wedding ring fit on her wrist like a bracelet." The tiny little girl had that ring on her wrist! "22 weeks in gestation! What a miracle!" I said. I couldn't take my eyes off of her! Then my eyes fell to the bottom of the page. There was another baby. He was bright red. He looked as though he had been through a fire. The caption read, "This is a 22 week little boy. He was salted out of his mother's womb by saline solution. He died a terrible death as his body was scalded."
I couldn't believe my eyes! I wanted to start screaming! "Who could do this to a baby?" I cried as I rocked back and forth holding that brochure. "This can't be happening!" I cried. I opened the brochure, and I felt physically ill as I fixed my eyes on the pictures. There were pieces of babies! Arms. legs, hands, feet, little bodies in pieces! The caption read, "These are babies that died due to a D&C abortion. They were dismembered in their mother's wombs and scraped out." There were more dismembered children on the next page that were victims of what they called D&E abortions. I was sick to my stomach. "I can't take this!" I cried . I closed the cover and put it on the floor, but my eyes could not escape the picture on the back. It was a large Plastic trash can full of children! I looked at the words that I had just written,
A trash can for your grave? How can that be?
There's millions just like you in the home of the free and the brave.
Baby, I'll remember you!
"Oh, My God! You're telling me that they are being killed here in America! Abortion! How could I not have known? Why didn't I know? Why didn't my church say something and try to stop this? This can't be legal! This is a nightmare! How long has this been going on?"
My mind was spinning! I stayed up all night. I cried. I prayed. I asked God, "What do I do?" The next morning when Harry got up I was sitting there in a stupor.
"I found them," I said.
"Where are they?" he asked, as he came closer to me.
"In the home of the free and the brave," I answered, not even looking up.
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